Gifts From God

Let me start by saying that it bothered me A LOT when people would try to help me. Rey says I'm too proud. I try to never ask for help, and when I do it's only out of complete necessity. I've always looked at it as a sign of weakness. That I wasn't good enough if I couldn't do it myself. So, that being said, it's been hard adjusting to the overwhelming, outpouring of support from all of my friends, family, and even strangers! It's something that I've been struggling with. Really struggling!! I say that not because I'm ungrateful, but because I've always felt like there was someone else out there who needed it more, or deserved it more. Why should I deserve somebody's time, or money?? But, here's what God has shown me.

Let's start with Sunday. All of the Life Groups started a new short series called "The Genius of Generosity" by Chip Ingram. Generosity is not just about money, or how much, but also the small things we go out of our way to do to help others. I can't donate thousands of dollars, but I can give you my time. It made the wheels in my head start turning. It made me think of all the things people have done for me over the last few months. Then in service Wade Morris was the guest speaker, and he was awesome! One of the things I took most from it was the fact that I need to be in the Bible every day! Which made me remember a thing I saw on Pinterest that said "If you are too busy to be in the Word every day, then you're busier than God ever intended you to be." Talk about feeling convicted!

My good friends at work, Shannon and Angela, and I decided we were going to read it in chronological order. Shannon had printed off a schedule she found online, and we had started it January 1st. The schedule breaks it down so you can read it in a year. Well needless to say I was behind on my schedule (I'm still trying to catch up), but I was starting Job that night. Let's just say - great timing!

Job is the greatest example of keeping your faith in spite of tragedy and pain. The book of Job also reminds you how real Satan is. (As if turning on the news every day isn't enough to see he's running rampant in our society. Trying to break our world apart.) It made me think of all the things, just in the last 2 years, Rey and I have had to endure. In 2011, 2 months after we bought our house, Rey lost his job. He got another job about a month later, but then was laid off again 2 weeks before Christmas. Then one of our cars broke down, and we went 3 months with only one vehicle. Both of our kids were very sick last year. Timmy had tubes put in twice, Bella had to have a colonoscopy, and we had the flu, strep, and pretty much all the other nasty bugs go through our house. Then the Cancer Bomb gets dropped. The devil just keeps piling it on, throwing it in my face, but I will never cave. He will never break my spirit, and he will never make me doubt God's faithfulness. EVER! 

So, here is how God "explained" generosity to me. I say explained for lack of better words. It was like the light bulb effect. The ah-ha moment. Satan is the one telling me I'm not worthy. That I don't deserve people's help. That I shouldn't accept anything from others. Because he's trying to get in the way of God working through those people. Like because I haven't caved from anything else he's thrown at me, he's going to try and take away from what God has placed on others hearts to bless me. As my study Bible puts it, "Satan's ploy is to get us to doubt God's love and faithfulness towards us."

I had a friend come to my house the night of my biopsy. She said she was going to give me a gift. I started crying, we both started crying, and I told her I couldn't accept what she was offering. She told me it wasn't an option. She had been praying about it for weeks, and God had put it on her heart to give me this gift. If I said no I was standing in the way of God's blessings. I couldn't do that!

I love how God connects everything in my life to teach me, and "explain" things to me. From here on out I will remember these special gifts, meals, etc. as what they are. Blessing from Him. I will never expect anything. But, if it is meant for me I will accept it humbly, and gratefully, because there will come a day when I will be able to pay it forward!