I'll start by making a short story long.
I stayed home from work on a Monday. I had felt pretty bad all weekend. Had the whole runny nose, sorta cough, itchy throat....I had found some antibiotics from the last time I was sick, so I had started taking those. By Tuesday morning I was feeling pretty good, and back at work. Wednesday it started getting really hard to breathe (like what I assume it would feel like to be stabbed) every time I would breathe. I sat there thinking to myself, "this is pretty bad....I should probably go to the doctor....then a voice inside me said, "Go. It's cancer." I tried to blow it off because I never go to the doctor unless I absolutely have to, but my loving husband and mother badgered me until I finally gave in and went to clinic care Thursday morning. The doctor listened to my lungs and all that jazz and was pretty sure it was walking pneumonia, so he sent me for a chest x-ray. When he came back he handed me the prescription and said, "Find a family doctor. Have them order a CT scan." He didn't even tell me why I was sick, but that they had found a lymph node.
The next day I found a family doctor (he was new and not completely backed up - our old MD had retired...), he ordered the CT scan the next week, and lo and behold I had 3 tumors in my anterior mediastinum, the largest was about 8 cm. I now had an oncologist. He ordered blood work. A LOT of blood work. All which came back normal....was I in the clear?? Not quite. I talked with the surgeon that was scheduled to do the biopsy because they needed a tissue diagnosis. When I met with him a new "mass" had popped up on my neck (it felt about the size of a golf ball - and wasn't there days before when I had seen the oncologist). He decided it would be best to biopsy that, and then only if necessary go into my chest because the other tumors were so close to my heart.
The Wednesday night before my biopsy I prayed, "God, I know I may not get the answer I want, but that is ok. My earthly brain can not begin to fathom your infinite wisdom, and I know you have a plan for my life. Therefore, I completely surrender my fears to You. I will praise you in victory, and I will praise you in defeat. Forever. Amen." He gave me a sense of peace. I prayed for His will to be done. His will is ALWAYS a better plan than ours, and we don't have to understand it. Thursday morning I already knew the answer before they told me the biopsy results. God had already told me that first Wednesday afternoon while I was sitting at work.
That morning while in recovery waiting for the anesthesia to wear off I said another prayer, "God, I promise to NEVER ask You why. Just tell me what You want me to do with this." I firmly believe that. God didn't give me cancer, but he's going to allow me to have this experience for a purpose, and I feel that is to share my testimony with others, so that hopefully I can give them hope through their struggles. Whatever they may be. I'm not 100% sure it's through writing a blog, but this is where I'm going to start!
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