No More Medusa

Well it's official. I'm bald. The shaving party actually turned out to be really fun! Mom started it off by cutting almost 11 inches off! She put it in a ziploc so it can be donated to Locks of Love. I really wanted to do that, but my hair started falling out pretty quick after my 2nd treatment, and I didn't get to. :(

My Mom cut off her ponytail to donate to "Locks of Love"

As you can see, everyone took turns either shaving or cutting my hair. The first picture I was just joking with Bella, hahaha! I kept telling her to go easy with the scissors because I didn't want to get stabbed in the head.

Everybody took turns shaving!

Then they started giving me all kinds of crazy hair styles like the comb-over. My brother, Kenny, was taking the pictures, and when he showed me the one below the first thing I thought of was Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder. I've never actually watched the movie...just the end credits where he's dancing, and it's hilarious!!

This is my Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder  look! LOL!!

Rey and Kenny both shaved their heads too. Rey took it all the way down with the razor, so he's a Mexican Mr. Clean now! :) My whole family was very supportive, and the kids loved it!

The Hubster took a Bic to his head! 

I've known this was going to be a part of the whole process, and at first I was nervous. Like, would my friends and family still want to go out to dinner if they knew everyone was going to be staring? Would I be able to handle all the side-wards glances? Would my husband still think I was beautiful? Would I cry when it came time to shave it?

Well, I most definitely did not cry. After waking up with hair on my pillow, and Chewbacca in the shower every morning, I was READY to shave it! Just so I wouldn't have to deal with it falling everywhere. My friends are not shallow, and so I was not giving them enough credit in my head because they would not be embarrassed by something so trivial. And, the look on Rey's face when I was done answered my other question. It was one of those looks that absolutely cannot be faked. Especially by him.  I call it his Grinch smile (not to him of course). He does it when he's either really happy, or he thinks something is really awesome. He does this tight lipped, perfectly U-shaped smile, like the Grinch when his heart grew 3 sizes. Then he told me I looked really cute. It was priceless, and I fell in love with him all over again! :)

Most importantly, I wanted to show my daughter that it really, truly doesn't matter what you look like. True beauty is in your heart, your actions, and how you treat others when no one else is looking. A few months ago, before any of this ever came about, Bella and I were talking. Here's a bit of our conversation.

                              Bella: Would you still think I was pretty if I had no teeth?

                              Me: Yes.

                              Bella: Would you think I was pretty if I had a big scar on my face?

                              Me: Of course.

                              Bella: Would you think I was pretty if I had big ears that stuck out?

                              Me: Absolutely.

                              Bella: Would you think I was pretty if I only had one arm?

                              Me: Yes ma'am.

                              Bella: So, pretty much you're saying you'll think I'm pretty no matter what.

                              Me: Exactly!!

This conversation has been at the front of my mind since I found out the type of chemo I'm getting would make my hair fall out. I just kept thinking what message would I be sending her if I tell her that no matter what I will always think she's beautiful, but then I shut-down because I lose my hair. I mean honestly, it's just hair. I'd be teaching her that vanity is more important. That's the last thing I want to do! I want to show her what it means to be a strong woman. I want to show her that "beauty" does not define you, and what it means to walk proudly with confidence, not arrogance.

 For a long time I struggled with the fact that I did not fit the world's definition of beautiful. It hurt that people made fun of me, and hurt my feelings. It took me down dark paths of depression, and eventually to a hell I wish never to return to. Actually, I know I will never go back. God pulled me out of that hell, so with Him by my side I'm good. From the first second I looked into the eyes of my precious baby girl, I vowed to teach her to love herself. To be confident, so that she might not have to ever endure those same feelings of doubt. To steal a quote I saw recently, "Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes to drain it dry." - Alvin Price. The best way I knew to do this was by practicing what I preach. Walking the walk, not just talking the talk. So I took it like a champ. I held my head high, and shaved my head! And, I have to say it felt pretty darn good!

Here's the final result