Well for the most part this week has been pretty slow. Which I have to admit I've been pretty thankful for! I've felt pretty normal all week, and my taste buds came back Monday (which was nice!), so everything I ate didn't taste like metal.....I have to say nobody forewarned me about that side effect! Rey and I have been on a cleaning spree trying to get everything clean and organized before tax season starts in a few weeks. Trying to make our lives easier! For the most part this week has been pretty good, except I've been struggling with keeping the stupid devil out of my head.
There are so many changes happening in my life right now, and it allows him to creep in and put doubt in my head. Doubts about everything! Are my friends treating me the same, worries about money, medical bills, worries about whether or not this cancer is going to ruin my career, is my dream of becoming a licensed CPA slipping through my fingers, am I going to miss piano recitals, school functions, church programs, how is this going to affect our marriage??? Worries, after worries, after worries. Then it's like fingers snap in front of my face, and God is like, "HELLO?!?! I'm here! Don't listen to that crazy devil who is only trying to create doubt in your head, feed off your insecurities, and ultimately cause you to drift from ME!"
I was praying earlier today, and I asked Him to just take the worry from my heart (and my head), and that if these were things I didn't need to worry about then I wouldn't feel anxious about them. I wouldn't fret about the unknown. I also have to quit assuming things because when it comes to relationships, with anyone, perception is everything, and I tend to over analyze EVERYTHING! In my case it's always better to just ask, talk, and listen because 9 times out of 10 it's nothing like what I'm thinking.
Anyways, He gave me that sense of peace today. It's funny how I have faith that He will carry me through my fight against cancer, but I worry about all this little stuff. This week was definitely a reminder that God will provide in ALL areas of my life. It's all in His plan, and His timing. Not mine. I have to take the "me" out of the equation. I am also very blessed that He has put special people in my life to help me remember this fact! To keep me from going all Debbie Downer on everyone! When I have "breakthroughs" like today I like to imagine God giving the devil an old fashioned butt whoopin'. It makes me laugh! But, most importantly it reminds me that my God is so much more powerful, and awesome, and He will always prevail!!
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